...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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