i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
