we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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