I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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