I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
