Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
