Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
