I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
