I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
