Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So vagazzling was a success
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
