She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize