If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i out mim tonsoeep
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
