Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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