Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You made out with two different species that night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
