i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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