dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
