Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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