The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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