he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
