I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
