I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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