why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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