once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
