did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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