Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
false alarm, still single
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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