your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
And then he peed in my hair
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