chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
