Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
