my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
