just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize