He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
