I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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