i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
