So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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