Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize