I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i was born a porn star she said
honey bunches of taint.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
