Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
