i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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