She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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