This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
