R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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