I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
