Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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