Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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