Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
