Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You're earring is so big in my mouth
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
