part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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