Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
