I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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