Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
