Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
