im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He shit in the fireplace
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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