so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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