Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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