Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize