i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward