she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.