She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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