i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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