Come see our sink grown plant.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
