are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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