Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
