I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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