if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize