My hair reeks of homosexuality.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
