sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
