We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
