sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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