Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
