I just saw a hot homeless man
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
