remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
