I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
